“Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”
1 Peter 3:3-4 [KJV]
What comes to mind when you think of the word ‘femininity’? Perhaps you thought of the colour pink, or some of these things: florals, long hair, body shape, skirts, makeup, perfume, frills, jewellery, motherhood, marriage…
Or maybe you recoiled at the thought of the word femininity. Perhaps words such as weak, pathetic, and subjugation came to mind. You have no intention of being a stay-at-home mum, pink is for sissies and you’re going to prove to those men – your brother, your father, your husband, your boss or that young man – that you can do everything they can, and in fact, better than they can.
Femininity is a largely despised word today. The word simply means “the characteristics of being female”. However, the feminist movement claims gender is a social category created by men to discriminate against women. In recent years, we’ve seen dictionaries change their definitions of a woman from “a biological female” to “someone who self-identifies as female”. We’ve seen the rise of unisex clothing stores, lesbianism, sexualisation at increasingly younger ages, and the largely universal acceptance of extra-marital relationships, aided by birth control and abortion on-demand. Simultaneously, we’ve seen a reluctance in Christian circles to discuss Biblical femininity.
I get it. The word femininity makes me feel uncomfortable too. I wear more frills and florals than I used to, and I like cooking, crafts and babies. But I also like denim skirts, hardly wear the one pink top in my wardrobe, don’t have the poise some other women possess, and am busy with work, writing and church activities. Somehow, the concept of femininity seems shallow and restrictive. What do people expect me to do? Wear pink all the time, never voice an opinion, and sit around waiting for Mr Right to turn up?
So, what does the Bible say about femininity? What should a Christian woman look and act like? Before we think about what a Christian woman should wear (that’s a topic for another blog post), we should ask the question, what are the attributes of a godly woman? There is much in the Bible on this subject. Today we are looking at just two verses, taken from a longer passage on the role of wives, from 1 Peter 3:3-4. It says, likewise ye wives… “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”
Interestingly, what first caught my attention in these verses was the ending of verse 4, “which is in the sight of God of great price.” The Bible is saying here that God highly values certain feminine attributes. Jesus, our ultimate example of how to live a godly life, did His Father’s will (John 5:30), and in turn, told his followers, “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). Unless we value what God values, our lives will not please God. We must approach the Bible with humility, asking the Lord to show us what He wants us to do. Proverbs 3:5 warns us, “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” But when it comes to this topic of biblical femininity, we often lean on our own understanding. We’ve already decided on our own definition, and when someone speaks on this topic, we feel threatened. When we read verses like, “Let your women keep silence in the churches,” (1 Corinthians 14:34a), our hearts instantly go, “But”. I found studying femininity confronting. I admit that my views have been influenced by secular society, that sometimes I don’t feel enthusiastic about the women’s roles outlined in the Bible, and that I’m worried some reader of this blog will take offence. Oh Lord, help me to put that all aside and say, “what wilt thou have me to do?” (Acts 9:6). May the Lord help us to value what He values, and to commit to doing all His will.
Unless we are committed to doing God’s will, we will never develop the inner attributes that God values more than external appearance. These are described in 1 Peter 3:4 as “the hidden man of the heart”, a meek spirit and a quiet spirit. Let’s briefly consider these.
“The hidden man of the heart” refers to that private, innermost you. It’s the part people don’t see, but God sees it. When the prophet Samuel went to anoint a king over Israel, 1 Samuel 16:7 records, “But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” Two women can turn up to church in their prettiest dresses, looking like the embodiment of outward femininity, but God sees that one has a heart that honours Him, while the other does not. “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised,” (Proverbs 31:30). Where does the right heart come from? King David tells us to pray for it, saying, “Create in me a clean heart, O God” (Psalm 51:10a). Additionally, the Word of God “is a discerner of the thought and intents of the heart” (Hebrew 4:12), and Psalm 119:11 says, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against Thee.” Know what the Bible says about femininity, and commit to doing it.
The godly woman is also described as having a meek spirit. It’s the same word used in Matthew 21:5 to describe Jesus, and it’s also in Matthew 5:5, where Jesus promises, “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.” Meekness means gentleness, humility and non-vindictiveness. But more women excel at vindictiveness than meekness. We remember every time others have hurt or wronged us, and we’re waiting for the right opportunity to settle old scores. We know that just a few of our words could destroy that who-does-she-think-she-is woman’s confidence, humiliate that person who hurt us, or tone-down that husband’s earnestness to serve God. But the godly woman lets God’s wisdom control her tongue (James 3) and speaks kindly (Proverbs 31:26) – outward actions that come from a heart of faith and meekness.
The other word used in 1 Peter 3:4 to describe this woman’s spirit is ‘quiet’. This word means “to sit still”, and the root word is translated steadfast in 1 Corinthians 15:58, which says, “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.” The godly woman knows what God says in His Word, and will hold to it, no matter the internal or external pressures. Amongst other things, she knows that God’s plan for Biblical femininity is good, just like all His plans are. Regardless of what the world or even other Christians say, she holds to Romans 12:2, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
To summarise these three points, God foremost values a Christian woman’s faith, that incorruptible inner beauty. But what about the outward adorning talked about in 1 Peter 3:3? When it comes to how a Christian woman should look and dress, Christians sometimes go to one of two extremes. One camp argues you should wear the clothes that least highlight the female body shape; the other argues that because God values the heart, you can wear whatever. But while this verse said to not prioritise the external at the expense of the internal, it does not say the external is not important. All aspects of a Christian woman’s life, including her dress, should bring glory to God (1 Corinthians 10:31). The world, and its advertisements for clothing, makeup, and jewellery, tell us to dress for self and other’s gratification. But this passage in 1 Peter reminds us that our heart for God should influence our wardrobes. When we seek to bring glory to God, our clothing, hair styles and jewellery should be gender-distinct (Deuteronomy 22:5, 1 Corinthians 11:15), modest (1 Timothy 2:9), and not flaunt status or wealth (1 Timothy 2:9).
Too bad if someone or everyone thinks I am strange. I am blessed to be supported to embrace my femininity in my home and church, but I haven’t always been. Even if I wasn’t, I must stand for what God wants. That is the challenge for every Christian woman. Yes, the outward does matter, but may our adorning, our femininity also be inward, that “hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.” And that, in the sight of God, is an ornament of great price.
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